Signs a parent needs help at home

Almost nobody calls us because of a single dramatic event. They call because a series of small things finally added up, and because someone spent a visit noticing things they had been explaining away for months.

Decline at home is usually visible in the house before it is visible in the person. If you are trying to work out whether you are overreacting, these are the things worth looking at.

In the kitchen

The kitchen is the most reliable place to see what is actually happening, because it records what has been eaten and what has not.

• Expired food in the fridge, or very little food at all
• Multiples of the same item, suggesting shopping without checking
• Burn marks on pans or the hob, or a kettle boiled dry
• Meals bought but not eaten
• Noticeable weight loss since your last visit

Around the house

Housekeeping standards usually slip in a pattern: the visible rooms stay reasonable long after the rest of the house has stopped being managed.

• Laundry piling up, or clothes worn several days running
• Bathrooms not being cleaned
• Post unopened, particularly bills
• Bins not going out
• A garden or yard that has quietly become unmanageable

Physical signs

• Bruising, especially on arms and hips, which often means unreported falls
• Holding onto furniture to move between rooms
• Difficulty getting out of a low chair
• Wearing the same clothes because dressing has become hard
• Avoiding the shower

Signs that are easy to explain away

These are the ones families most often rationalise, and they are frequently the most important.

Withdrawing from things they used to enjoy is rarely just about losing interest. Declining invitations, giving up church attendance or stopping driving are often about managing a difficulty they have not told you about.

• Repeating stories within a single conversation
• New reluctance to drive, or unexplained scrapes on the car
• Medication boxes with pills left in past days
• Calling less often than they used to
• Saying they are 'fine' with unusual firmness

What to do next

You do not need to have decided anything before making a call. Most families have no idea which level of support they want, and working that out is exactly what a consultation is for.

Starting small is normal and generally sensible. A few hours a week of companion care establishes a routine and a relationship, and it is far easier to add hours later than to introduce a stranger during a crisis.

Where we help

We arrange this across the Wasatch Front, from Ogden and Layton in the north through Salt Lake County and down to Provo, Orem and Springville. Pick your city from the service areas menu for local detail, costs and who pays.